anxiety, autoimmune disease, chronic illness, colitis, Crohn's disease, dreams, exhaustion, frustration, IBD, stress

A wonderful visit :)

I’ve been feeling kind of down lately and my current flare up proves it. Stress is definitely a trigger for me and I almost had an accident a couple of days ago to prove it. Not really appealing at 31 years old but I digress lol

Whenever I’m down I’m not the most happy person to be around and I start to feel like I’m living in a fog and just frustrated with the world. Not really a pleasant feeling. I had a dream last night that featured my favorite uncle that passed away about 15 years ago. Wow . . didn’t realize it’s been so long. Growing up as an only child and raised by my single mother he was that one consistent positive, fun, male figure in my life until I was 16 when he passed. Since his death whenever I have a dream and he’s in it, I feel like it’s his way of saying hi. It might be silly to think so, but since it happens so rarely I almost vividly remember every dream I’ve seen him. I’m not the most religious person but I do believe in life after death and that we do have our own guardian angels. I have had an experience where I was crossing the street and I thought my friend was pushing me across, to look back and see my friend still on the other side of the street and the truck that almost hit me stopped. I was literally pushed and remember feeling fingers on my back, that more than anything convinced me that spirits exist.

So last night I had a dream and my uncle appeared, in past dreams I’ve never had a conversation with him, he was just talking to other family members, it was like a scene out of my life. For the first time in a dream I walked up to him and said “Hi, I miss you and if this is your way of saying hi, I thank you so much for doing this.” He just smiled and then I woke up. I cried for a good 10 minutes, it just seemed so real and I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed my uncle. 15 years later, I’ve realized losing a loved one is something you’ll never get over, but just learn how to live without them.

Even though I’ve been feeling down, I’m grateful to wake up and see another day. There are many days where life is so hard, especially when having good health is not always guaranteed, but life is also so very precious and its nice to know that I’m not always alone.

As always taking one day at a time and remaining hopeful.

#remission, . diet, . sickness, anxiety, IBD

IBD back at it again . . . :(

As I embark on my 31st first birthday tomorrow, I’m reflecting on how 2017 has been so far , and it’s been a busy year. In addition, I’ve been eating what I want, not exercising, candy/soda galore. It was like YES! I’m on Remission so I’m going to eat everything I’ve denied myself for two years, and as a result I have gained weight which are normal consequences for such a diet.  Until last week .. . I saw blood for the first time in like a year . . . I didn’t think anything of it since it was not consistent. For the past two days, I have seen significant blood when I wipe and  today was the first time seeing it in the toilet, but I’m still hesitant to contact my GI. I’m scared . . . .

I really do not want to go back on meds and my financial situation isn’t great at the moment so I cannot afford anything extra right now. I do have hemorrhoids so my grandmother suggested hemorrhoid suppositories? never used them but I might try it to just see if it stops the bleeding. I have no other symptons, other than fatigue at the moment but that’s been constant for years. Sighs . . . I have been highly stressed out lately. I think my boss is purposely sinking the ship of our organization and a co-worker told me she’s quitting after our conference next month and I’m sick of putting out his fires . . . I’m just fucking tired . . . So as a way to relax I will be in a spa for 4 hours tomorrow and a custom makeover afterwards, it’s the way I decided to celebrate my birthday this year.

Trying to remain hopeful, taking one day at a time  . . . .

IBD

Exhausted

I am beyond exhausted and vitamins are not working, other than excersize and improving my diet what can I do to get more energy? Or what should I remove from my diet?? I felt like the walking dead today and it’s just Monday!!! 

autoimmune disease, hopeful, IBD, stress

Busy Bee . . . Glad I have the energy!

The past six weeks have been insanely busy and I never want to experience it again lol. Since the first week of May I haven’t had a free weekend since April. From a friend’s bachelorette and wedding, mom’s graduation, moving, and mini vacay to Jamaica I’m officially spent physically and my bank account is dry.  But I’m not complaining, I can go on a ramen diet, I’m excited that I can eat ramen again lol. It’s crazy to think two years ago I would’ve declined majority of those events due to my poor health. So I have been grateful to be invited and healthy enough to go to each event. I am afraid to miss out. I feel like for almost two years I was at such a low health wise and mentally that I checked out of my life, I was in a fog . . This year is the first with no meds and complete remission, so I’m trying to do everything before this good health goes away *knock on wood*.

Even though IBD-wise I have had a clean slate this year, I’ve been sick in many other ways. For example my two spells with Tonsillitis this year, last time I had it was 20 years ago. I saw an ENT doctor and he stated if it happens five more times this year, then I’ll suggest you get your tonsils removed . .. WTH?!?  In addition to my tonsils my teeth have been horrendous, still paying off dental work from last year, getting two crowns and a root canal is no joke. Thinking about getting a 2nd job to pay off debt, but I’m scared the stress and physicalitly of working two jobs would be too much for my body. I’ve had this random craving for ginger ale, would drink it everyday if I could. . . last time I had such cravings it was to help with my stomach and shortly after I was admitted to the hospital. I hope this is not an early sign of a flare up, fingers crossed.

Remaining hopeful and taking one day at a time!

anxiety, autoimmune disease, chronic illness, colitis, Crohn's disease, IBD, IBS

Explain your disease in 30 seconds!

UC blog

Does anyone find it difficult to be brief when you try to explain your illness? After writing for this blog for two years and all the research I’ve done I still don’t have that “Elevator Speech”.  An Elevator Speech can be defined as a clear, brief message or “commercial” about you . When I was first diagnosed and people were asking what is Inflammatory Bowel Disease (IBD)? I think I was a little too detailed. To me, explaining IBD was to discuss the many symptoms I had so the person could picture it lol which is a little much . . . but it was my daily life at the time, I only shared what I knew.   Even though now I know much more about IBD, I still don’t believe I am capable of explaining to someone on an elevator, in that short period of time, what is my disease. I came up with the following exercise to create my Elevator Speech :

  • What is the goal?
    • To spread awareness about IBD and share what it is like to live with the disease.
  • What disease?
    • In order to be brief, it’s probably best to talk about which of the IBD diseases you have, if you’re diagnosed. After a recent follow-up with my new GI, he believes I have Ulcerative Colitis (UC), . . . I swear it changes every year, but UC is my current diagnosis.
  • What type of disease?
    • I would say an autoimmune disease of the digestive tract, which still might confusing, so instead; a disease of the digestive tract.
  • How it affects your life?
    • For those that have had surgery or their colon removed you can say that, it’s very brief and a clear picture of how it affected your life. Since my disease is not as severe, I would say, I have to avoid eating certain foods that could cause severe pain.
  • End it on a happy note.
    • Since it’s a brief statement you want to leave it in a positive light or a call for action, which is something I always do when I end a blog post. “As always taking one day at time, and remaining hopeful”. Or you can end it with a call for action to find a cure, or want to become an IBD advocate, etc.

After doing this exercise my Elevator Speech is as follows:

I have Ulcerative Colitis which is a disease of the digestive tract that makes it hard for me to eat certain foods because it would cause severe pain. Even though it can be hard to live with this disease, I remain hopeful that one day we will have a cure.

I think it covers all the basics, what do you think? Do you have your own “Elevator Speech” about your illness?

 

#remission, anxiety, autoimmune disease, IBD, stress

Time to get fully healthy!

My colon is finally healthy which is a cause for celebration, but I feel like I haven’t had a good workout in over a year. I took a biking class a couple of weeks ago and my entire body was sore for days. I was so sore that I tried to throw something in the trash and it did not make it to the trash can, so I let it to sit on the floor for another day.  I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to get back up if I reach down to pick it up. lol I am 30 years old not 60!!  I gotta get back in shape. I am claiming a different lifestyle for the remainder of this year, and by writing my plan I am “speaking it into existence!!”

Physical Health

  • Like I stated before, I am 30 not 60 and I never want to be that sore again. Before it gets too hot, I plan to start walking for lunch even if means taking a walk in the nearby mall. I cannot sit for 8 hours and unfortunately my work environment doesn’t help. I have a horrible desk chair, no windows, and our office is literally off the highway, it doesn’t encourage me to be active.
  • At my new place I plan to start commuting via public transportation, might take longer but its better than sitting in my car. Also, there is a free gym in my building, a trail, and many public places within walkable distance, I look forward to it!

Reducing Stress

  • My first step will be for my new place to be an oasis. Everyday I come home I want to walk into a relaxed environment. To me that means lot of pillows, smells good, plants, and I’m thinking about buying a mini waterfall, like the kind at a spa? lol. I’m pretty sure I can find an affordable one on Amazon :).  All that plus some chill music and a glass of wine, I will be good! I’m asking a couple of friends to help me decorate on a budget, and I for sure will have a house-warming, its time to make my home a home.
  • Working 8-hour days is a necessity. If work doesn’t get done after 8 hours it is not my concern because I need to go home not feeling so exhausted. Maybe doing this will encourage my boss to hire additional staff or I might get fired, who knows! lol I really don’t care at the moment. If I plan to be here for another 30+ years I have to reduce this stress. At my current rate with my sleepless nights lately, I’m trying very hard to not induce a flare-up. I would like to stay in remission!
  • Looking for a church home, I have not always been the most religious person, but I think it’s healthy to be in a positive environment. I think it will be another place to escape to, and help me to look at life in a different, more positive perspective.

Social Life

  • Luckily May will be my busiest month, got so much going on I’m slightly stressed lol My mother and a good friend are both celebrating getting their Master’s, I’m surrounded by smart people 🙂 Another friend is getting married let the festivities begin! I’m moving on May 12th that should be an exciting and exhausting weekend! And taking a much needed mini vacation to Jamaica in early June for a friend’s 30th! I’m going to try to make it to all events but I am 30 no longer a youngin lol
  • If my job pays for this coding program, that will greatly enhance my coding skills and will expose me to many different people. I hope I bump into the next Zuckerburg sick of this 9 to 5 lifestyle.
  • And I promised my grandmother I’ll get married eventually lol I’m just taking my life in stride and if he appears, I am happy to say that I am now open to being loved. Took a long time for me to get to this point, still a work in progress 😉

I think that covers the basics, I’ll create a timeline another day. And yes, I am slightly a Type A when it comes to time management 🙂

Always remaining hopeful, taking one day a time!